The Hidden Cost of Lonely Leadership

There are more times than I can count where I’ve felt lonely as a leader. That kind of loneliness makes it hard to show up as your best self, for your team, your organization, or even your own family.

One moment in particular stands out.

My Story: When Leadership Felt the Heaviest

I was serving as the Dean of Academic Affairs at Brown Mackie College. Our campus was performing well, but the nationwide chain was struggling. The parent company made the decision to shut down every location.

As part of the shutdown, Deans like me were suddenly asked to step into a dual role, serving as both Dean and Executive Director, while overseeing a year-long teach-out for our students.

It was a heavy load:

• Ensuring students could finish their programs while other schools were closing without warning

• Retaining teachers who had either been laid off or were working with known end dates

• Supporting both faculty and students emotionally through the grief of a school closure

• Running daily campus operations while managing the full shutdown process, right down to selling off furniture

• Being the last to leave, locking the doors of an empty building that once buzzed with life

I’ll be honest: it was one of the loneliest seasons of my leadership journey. There wasn’t a playbook. The weight of responsibility was overwhelming. And while I carried it, I often wished I had more of a community to lean on, people who truly understood what it felt like to lead through complexity and loss.

The Emotional Intelligence Lens on Isolation

Experiences like that taught me something I now teach others: loneliness in leadership isn’t just about circumstance, it’s about emotional regulation and connection.

When leaders fail to acknowledge and manage the emotions that isolation fosters, they risk appearing distant rather than building trust. Leveraging the EQ Mastery Cycle™ interrupts that spiral, so you can choose with intention how to create connection, even in the hardest seasons.

3 Practices to Interrupt Leadership Loneliness

Here are three “grab-and-go” practices you can try the next time leadership feels isolating:

1. Name It Out Loud

Take one minute to name what you’re actually feeling:
“I’m carrying the weight of this alone, and it feels heavy.”
That simple act of acknowledgment diffuses the intensity.

2. Reach for One Connection

Call, text, or schedule a 30–60 minute conversation with a trusted peer. Not to swap status updates, but to share what it really feels like to lead.

• Bonus: Make this a weekly scheduled connection ritual.

3. Anchor Back to Purpose

In moments of loneliness, remind yourself of the “why” behind your leadership. Re-centering on purpose restores energy when you feel disconnected from others.

And if this doesn’t help, it might be a sign you’re misaligned. That’s okay, take some time to reflect so you can choose your next steps with clarity.

Your Turn

We’ve all been there. Whether you’re navigating change, carrying responsibility no one else sees, or simply feeling like you can’t share the full truth of what you’re going through… leadership can be isolating.

But it doesn’t have to stay that way.

👉 What helps you when leadership feels isolating?