Quick Take

• Think of your best and worst leaders.

• Name the specific traits that made them effective—or harmful.

• Notice which of those traits show up in your own leadership.

• Choose one trait to reduce and one to amplify.

• Leadership growth happens in micro-shifts, not overnight reinventions.

We all carry memories of leaders who shaped us—for better or worse.

One of my worst bosses was a master of unspoken expectations. Not unclear expectations—unspoken ones. Deadlines, priorities, and even performance standards often lived only in their head. For me, a high-performing leader who cared deeply about her impact, this was a recipe for predetermined resentment. No matter how hard I worked, I felt like I was always missing a hidden target.

By contrast, one of my best bosses didn’t always agree with me—but they listened. I always walked away feeling heard. That simple trait, listening, made me feel valued, even when our perspectives diverged. It’s a principle I’ve tried to embody in my own leadership and now teach to others.

Both experiences taught me that leadership leaves a mark. The only question is: what kind of mark are you leaving?

Step 1 – Break It Down: Traits of the Best and Worst Leaders

Instead of calling past leaders simply “good” or “bad,” break it down to traits:

• Best leaders often model:

  • Integrity and follow-through

  • Empathy and emotional intelligence

  • Active listening and open communication

  • Humility and openness to feedback

  • Consistency between words and actions

• Worst leaders often display:

  • Micromanagement or lack of trust

  • Emotional volatility or unpredictable reactions

  • Avoidance of accountability

  • Reliance on unspoken expectations

  • Self-centered decision-making

👉 Write down 3–5 traits for each leader from your own experience. The clarity comes from naming specific behaviors, not vague labels.

Step 2 – Shift the Focus to Yourself

Now comes the brave part: turning the spotlight inward.

Ask yourself:

• Do I consistently embody some of the traits I admired in my best leader?

• Or do I sometimes, especially under stress, slip into the patterns I disliked in my worst leader?

Self-awareness is the starting point of the EQ Mastery Cycle™. Without noticing your own patterns, you can’t shift them. Remember, this isn’t about blame, it’s about clarity.

Step 3 – Choose Your Micro-Shifts

Reflection matters most when it leads to change. That’s why I recommend two practical shifts:

1. Pick one negative trait to reduce.

   • Example: If you tend to leave expectations unspoken, commit to stating them clearly, even if it feels redundant.

2. Pick one positive trait to amplify.

   • Example: If your best leader made you feel heard, build the habit of asking two extra questions in meetings to draw out quieter voices.

These are micro-shifts, not sweeping overhauls. Leadership impact is built in small, everyday actions: listening, acknowledging, pausing before responding.

Why This Exercise Works

• Grounded in lived experience. You’re reflecting on real traits you’ve seen in action.

• Builds self-awareness. It’s a mirror for your own leadership patterns.

• Creates realistic change. One trait to stop, one trait to strengthen: that’s doable.

FAQ

Q: What if I’ve never had a truly “great” leader?
A: Think about mentors, colleagues, or even public figures you admire. Leadership lessons are everywhere.

Q: What if I see too many negative traits in myself?
A: That’s normal. Growth comes from choosing one manageable shift at a time.

Q: How do I know if I’m making progress?
A: Ask your team directly. Try: “What’s one thing I’ve done recently that’s helped you?”

Your best and worst leaders weren’t just chapters in your career; they’re guideposts. By breaking down their traits, reflecting honestly, and choosing micro-shifts, you create a growth path that is both practical and sustainable.

Remember: leadership isn’t about perfection. It’s about showing up with awareness and intention, and making small, consistent changes that compound into impact.

👉 Your challenge: Choose one trait to stop (or reduce) and one trait to amplify. Practice them this week and notice the difference.