Lessons From Yoda: Is Leaning on "Trying" Holding You Back?

As Yoda famously said (or, in my case, my husband), “Do or do not, there is no try.” My husband is a big Star Wars fan—an enthusiast, some might say. On more occasions than I would like to remember, he would quote this line to me, hoping to motivate me. In true Heather fashion, I would quickly rebut.

You see, this saying would hit a nerve with me. I believed in trying and the good intentions that came with it. I liked getting “credit” for my efforts, or perhaps more accurately, I needed that credit. So, every time my husband would remind me of this famous Yoda quote, it would have the opposite effect. Instead of listening, I would dig my heels in and launch into an explanation about where I started versus where I was now, ensuring to point out all the areas where I had made improvements. Sounds reasonable, right?

The thing is, he was right. Or should I say Yoda was right? Okay, okay... they were both right (and my husband will probably faint when he sees that made it into this newsletter). It wasn’t until I stumbled upon a random reel on social media that it finally clicked for me. In this reel, they discussed how when we “try,” we create an excuse for ourselves, essentially providing a safety net to fall back on if we don’t succeed, which makes us feel safe and comfortable. Suddenly, it hit me that was precisely what I did. I always had logical, objective explanations for why I hadn’t accomplished something I was “trying” to do. I was not shy about sharing these reasons, leaning on them further to fortify my justification, all while having my “I’m trying” safety net riding shotgun.

That day, I finally understood what my husband was saying. By relying on “I’m trying,” I wasn’t giving myself a full chance to succeed. Here I thought “trying” was my friend, helping me gain credit for living in the gray and almost getting there. Instead, this carefully crafted safety net was sabotaging me.

As I delved deeper into understanding, implementing, and teaching emotional intelligence, I became more able to recognize this safety net as the saboteur it truly was. There is nothing wrong with failing; the most common trait among emotionally intelligent individuals is having a growth mindset. And individuals with a growth mindset believe that their abilities and intelligence can develop through effort and work. And guess what? This growth is never without failure, never.

People with growth mindsets view failure as an opportunity for growth and learning, rather than a shameful, permanent setback. I have believed in some form of that my entire adult life, yet I couldn’t see how my reliance on “trying” held me back from experiencing failure and, thus, further growth. Interesting.

Failure is a normal part of growth. It serves as a learning opportunity that allows you to view things from a new perspective. It provides valuable feedback, fosters resilience, and helps you connect with others. Failure is also a universal experience; sharing stories of failure can bring us closer together.

Instead of merely "trying," choose to "do or do not." The simple truth is that you are either taking action or you’re not. You may fail, but that can lead to valuable lessons. It’s possible that you were attempting to accomplish something that was several steps ahead of you, which can often be a common issue. Instead, take a moment to slow down, reflect, identify your first step, and take that action. Break it down as needed to make progress.

So, let go of that inner saboteur. We don’t need a so-called safety net disguised as a friend that is actually holding us back. Take responsibility for your actions and learn to be okay with failure.